


in these troubled times I call out to you

by deansnuggles



Series: what is loved endures [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coda, Epilogue, Everyone is gay and I'm not sorry, Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), Gay Poe Dameron, Hurt/Comfort, I basically make them have every conversation I wanted them to have in the movie, M/M, Movie: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Poe Dameron is a hot mess, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, boys talking about feelings, finn is very good and I love him, gay finn is not a tag already how dare you, give characters actual conclusions to their emotional arcs and relationships challenge, gratuitous use of the word buddy, in my star wars they say fuck, sappy handjobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:20:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23536699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deansnuggles/pseuds/deansnuggles
Summary: Finn and Poe find each other after the Battle of Exegol, and have some long-overdue conversations."I wish she could stay, I wish everyone could stay, but that’s not realistic. We’re all going to go our own ways sometimes. I just hope…” Finn sighs, looks off into the trees. “I just hope we all find each other again, after. You know?”“I do know,” Poe says, emphatically. When Finn continues frowning into the distance, Poe puts a hand on his shoulder. “Hey. I do know. And we will.” He leans over to catch Finn’s eyes. “Look. Rey said… when I told her I was worried about what happens now, with all of us not having anywhere to go, she said, ‘you, me, Finn and Rose—we’ll need to be each other’s home.’ And you know, she’s right. No matter what, we’ll have each other. That’s not going away.”
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Series: what is loved endures [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1648315
Comments: 41
Kudos: 187





	in these troubled times I call out to you

**Author's Note:**

> It's not necessary to read the prior fic, it is referenced a few times but should be clear in context. It is short, though!
> 
> Thank you for reading!

After Rey heads back out, Poe spends some time slowly pacing the corridors of the Falcon, running his hand over her bulkheads and consoles, remembering friends they’d lost and thanking her for the friends she’d saved. Then he makes his way to the ‘fresher to splash some water on his face before he heads back to the celebration. He runs wet fingers through his hair, then leans on the sink, meeting his own eyes in the mirror. He’s still in his flight suit, sans vest and equipment—changing out of it with the sling was going to be a hassle. His eyes are bloodshot, bags under them even more pronounced, his hair can’t decide if it’s laying flat with helmet sweat or curling up in the humidity.  _ Not your best look, Dameron. _ Well, at least he’ll be in good company—it’s doubtful anyone else has taken time to shower, change, or rest. 

He rubs a towel over his face, makes one last attempt with his hair, and makes his way back to where he last saw Finn and Rose, trading stories with Jannah and her team. Rose has since left, but the rest are still there, seated on log-benches and shipping crates in a loose semi-circle. Finn’s by himself at the moment, with BB-8 and D-O stationed on either side of him on the edge of the group. BB-8 trills when he sees Poe— _ Hi hi hi where were you missed you! _

“Hey buddy, you keeping Finn company?” He flicks his eyes up to meet Finn’s, not sure what to expect—the post-battle adrenaline has worn off now, and it’s been a rough couple days—but Finn is grinning at them. Poe smiles back, probably somewhat goofily. 

BB-8 rolls in circles around Poe, beeping— _ Yes yes doing your job for you as always! Love you though! _ —causing Finn to bark out a laugh. 

“Oh is that how it is?” Poe leans down to rub the top of BB-8’s dome lovingly while the droid makes noises of satisfaction. He’s gonna miss the little guy while he’s off keeping Rey company for a few weeks, but he’d long since accepted that BB preferred a bit of a “joint custody” arrangement so he could spend time with both his favorite people, especially when X-wing missions were few and far between.

“I was wondering where you ran off to, but Rey said you’d be back.” Finn looks at him, brow furrowed in concern. “You alright?”

He straightens up and shrugs, adjusting his sling for something to do. “Yeah, I’m good. Just crashing a bit, you know. How’re things out here? Seems to have died down a little.” Most people seemed to have formed little groups like this one, a few had built up bonfires, and there was a group playing some sort of kickball game in the clearing under the spotlights of a few hovercam droids. Poe shook his head in disbelief—even without the injury, the thought of doing anything remotely physical right now was absurd. Maybe he was getting old. 

Finn follows his eyeline and chuckles. “Yeah, other than the Corellian kickball contingent over there. Must have caf for blood. They’re all barely old enough for the Academy, make me feel old.”

Poe snorts, makes his way over to the log-bench as Finn scoots over to give him room. “I’ve got almost ten years on you, buddy, how do you think I feel?”

Finn rolls his eyes, fighting back a smile. “Oh yeah. Ancient. Surprised you’re even up and moving, old man.”

“You know what?” He groans, leaning his head against the back of the bench and closing his eyes. “So am I.” 

BB-8 makes a sad warble, and Finn pats him on the dome. “Don’t worry Beebs, he’s just being dramatic.” Without opening his eyes, Poe moves to push him off the bench. Finn, laughing, swats him away.

“So, um,” Finn starts, “did Rey tell you she’s leaving?”

“Yeah, she did. I told her to take Bee to watch her back—he hates being grounded too long, and I won’t be in the air anytime soon.” Poe turns to BB-8. “That sound good to you, Bee? She’ll be gone a few weeks, but she could use the company.”

_ Yes yes LOVE Rey love adventures haaaaaate boring! You hate boring, Finn hate boring, Poe Finn come? _

“Sorry buddy, they need us here for now, lot of boring General stuff to do.” BB-8 gives a low whine. “Hey why don’t you take D-O and see if you can find her? You guys can help her plan her trip.”

_ Okaaaay. Love you miss you! Don’t be stupid while I’m not here! Watch Finn!  _ He rotates his optical sensor to Finn, who’s looking on in amusement.  _ Finn! Watch Poe! Love you!  _

“Always, Bee.” Finn pats him on the dome as he rolls off, D-O following in his wake like a duckling. “That was nice of you, letting her take BB-8.”

Poe smiles after the droids as they roll their way across the clearing. “Well like I said, he’d be bored here, and she loves him almost as much as I do, so he’ll be in good hands.” He turns back to Finn. “How about you, you alright with this? Her leaving again, I mean.”

Finn shrugs. “Sure, I guess. I wish she could stay, I wish everyone could stay, but that’s not realistic. We’re all going to go our own ways sometimes. I just hope…” He sighs, looks off into the trees. “I just hope we all find each other again, after. You know?”

“I do know,” Poe says, emphatically. When Finn continues frowning into the distance, Poe puts a hand on his shoulder. “Hey. I do know. And we will.” He leans over to catch Finn’s eyes. “Look. Rey said… when I told her I was worried about what happens now, with all of us not having anywhere to go, she said, ‘you, me, Finn and Rose—we’ll need to be each other’s home.’ And you know, she’s right. No matter what, we’ll have each other. That’s not going away.” He gave Finn’s shoulder a final squeeze. 

“Yeah I… I’d like that. That’s good.” Finn smiled briefly, then furrowed his brow, angling himself on the bench so he was facing Poe. “Hey look, Poe. There’s something I gotta say, I should have said it earlier but… anyways. I’m sorry for, for what I said. At Kef Bir. I was scared, and upset, and I took it out on you. That wasn’t fair, and I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no, don’t… you wanted to help Rey. You were scared, I was scared, we both said things. It’s fine, it’s.” He lets out a breath. “I thought you were mad at  _ me _ . I should be the one apologizing.”

“No, man. You were right, there was too much at stake, she was being reckless, she admits it. I was out of my mind worrying. You were the only one trying to keep us all on track.” 

Poe shakes his head, opens his mouth to protest but snaps it shut, blinks in surprise when Finn grabs his hand. 

“Look,” Finn says. “What I said… it’s not true. I couldn’t have asked for a better leader, a better partner in this fight. Leia would have been proud. Leia  _ is _ proud of you. I know she is. And I’m so, so sorry you lost her. You’re a good man, Poe, the best I’ve ever known, and you’re a  _ great _ leader.” Finn adds his other hand, so he’s grasping Poe’s with both of his. “And if you don’t believe me, I’m gonna keep on telling you until you do.”

Poe blinks rapidly, his eyes stinging but no hands free. He laughs wetly. “Might be here a long time then.”

Finn says, as earnest as ever, “However long it takes.”

Poe wants to protest, to tell Finn no, I don’t deserve you, you’re a better man than I’ll ever be, you inspire me every damn day. He will, he will tell him, he’ll tell everyone, he’ll shout it from the fucking rooftops, but it’ll have to be later. He’s too overwhelmed with exhaustion, grief, and the intensity in Finn’s eyes, along with a few other emotions he’s unable to look at too closely right now. He gives Finn a watery smile, squeezes his hands before pulling back to wipe at his face—not as wet as it could have been, but it was close. Then he reaches back out to squeeze Finn’s shoulder, pulls him in for a half-hug, hopes that gets across even a fraction of what he wants to say. Finn leans his head on Poe’s shoulder for a quick moment, and Poe lets out a breath he feels like he’s been holding for a year.

Movement a few feet away catches his eye, and he sees Rose has been talking to Jannah and her group. She’s taking notes on a clipboard, and then starts towards him and Finn. He straightens up, nudges Finn and points her out. 

“Hey! You guys have a minute? Poe! How’s your arm? Did you see the medic yet?” The questions come with barely a pause, and Poe smiles at her. If they could bottle her energy, they’d fuel the whole fleet.

He rubs a bit at his arm where the bandage is covered by his flight suit. “I did, I did, don’t worry. I don’t have much range of motion currently, and I’ll need to keep the bacta patch on for a few days, but there’s no permanent damage. Besides maybe a cool scar.” He raises his eyebrows at her clipboard. “What’s up? Taking inventory? You know that can wait til tomorrow.”

“This can’t, actually. I’m trying to find places to put all these extra people for the night. We have...” she pauses, bites her lip, “a decent amount of empty beds, after the battle, but. Not enough to house everyone we added. Some of them can go back to their ships, but there are a lot of small craft pilots with nowhere to go. I have it on good authority that it’s not ideal to sleep in an X-wing.”

Poe cringes, “Yeah, I don’t think my back will ever recover from having to do three long-distance reconnaissance missions in a row back with the Rapiers.”

“How can we help?” Finn asks.

“Well, we’re going around checking who has spare beds, cots, and who doesn’t mind doubling up for a night or two. Even bedrolls on the floor would help out, if you don’t mind company.” Rose looks back and forth between them, imploringly.

Poe opens his mouth to respond that of course he wouldn’t mind, he’s military, he’s been bunking in groups for over a decade, but Finn beats him to it. “Hey why don’t Poe and I take my cabin—it’s smaller, too small for three, but the two of us can fit easily. That would free his up for a group of four or more.” 

“Oh my gosh, that would help  _ so _ much, I have a couple groups I’ve been trying to keep together. It might be for a few days, though, is that okay? I don’t want to put you both out, I mean, you are the generals!”

Finn shrugs. “Doesn’t bother me, bunking alone has been a very recent luxury in my life. Poe?”

They both turn to him expectantly. Poe blinks. Blinks again. It wouldn’t be the first time they’d bunked together—in fact, on the Falcon it had become the norm. Even here on D’Qar, before they’d gotten all the cabins up they’d shared a tent, bedrolls side-by-side. That was heady, exhilarating… terrifying. But that was a good nine months ago, they hadn’t spent nearly as much time together yet, or known each other nearly as well. Poe had still been trying to convince himself that all he was dealing with was a crush. Who wouldn’t have a crush on Finn? Half the base would have gladly “shared a tent” with him if he’d shown the slightest interest, but he never had. He never even showed any awkwardness about the implication, and he laughed off any teasing, leaving Poe to assume any tension was his and his alone.

Now, though. Now they’d had a year of fighting side-by-side, of lying awake in one of the Falcon’s small bunk rooms talking over missions, plans, successes and failures. Fears. Dreams. And every night, every mission, Poe fell further and further in love until it became an undeniable, indisputable, immovable fact. But the farther he fell, the more it also became clear that Finn’s heart belonged to Rey.

Or so he’d thought. Rey had denied it earlier that night, laughed it off even, and in fact had strongly implied that he should tell Finn how he feels, but he’s still not certain. She has the Force, sure, but she also isn’t around to pick up the pieces when she leaves Finn behind. Poe is, and he doesn’t have a name for that other than love.

Finn and Rose are looking at him expectantly, and he can’t exactly say no without a good excuse, which he absolutely does not have the brain power to come up with right now. Besides, does he really want to say no? He  _ has _ bunked with Finn on dozens of occasions, it had just never been while feeling quite as raw and off-kilter as he does tonight. Had never been after winning a war, losing a beloved mentor, and being absolutely certain on several occasions and for several different reasons that he was losing Finn for good. This was probably a really, really bad idea…

“Yeah, that sounds great,” he says, because of course he does. “Let me just grab a go-bag and switch out the linens for whoever gets my bed.”

“This is amazing, thank you!” Rose practically bounces while scribbling on her clipboard. “Let me go tell Valiant Squadron the good news. I’ll have them give you a half hour or so, that work Poe?”

“Yeah, sure thing,” he says, slightly dazed, while she hops off grabbing Jannah in her wake. Probably to work on accomodations for her team, as well. 

Finn claps him on the shoulder before standing up and starting towards his cabin. “I’m gonna go hop in the shower, let yourself in when you get there.” Poe tells his brain  _ not _ to picture letting himself into Finn’s shower. He does not succeed. “Unless you need a hand grabbing your things?” Finn asks. “Since you’re down an arm and all.” 

Poe shakes his head. “Nah I’m good, go-bags are all packed, just need to grab one and a bedroll.”

Finn grins at him and gives a lazy salute. “Alright then, see you in a few, General.”

***

Poe arrives at Finn’s cabin—just a few buildings down from his own—having grabbed his bag and a bedroll, laid out extra linens, and given himself a good long peptalk. Finn’s room is smaller than his own—as Leia’s second, Poe had the only other two-roomed cabin on base. Finn’s cabin lacked a sitting area, but did have a desk and a bench built into the wall, along with a decent sized bed. Poe set his things on the bench—it might be wide enough to sleep on, though he thinks the floor may be more comfortable—and works on peeling himself out of his sling and flight suit. 

The bacta patch on his blaster burn is about in need of replacing, but he wants to take a shower first; he’s filthy from 18 hours of running through deserts and bleeding and terror-sweating. He’s just managed to gingerly slide the sleeves of his flight suit off when Finn emerges from the ‘fresher, clad in loose sleep pants and a sleeveless undershirt. Poe’s brain stutters for a moment—what can he say, Finn’s arms are  _ fantastic. _

Finn raises his eyebrows at him. “You look… perplexed.”

_ That’s one word for it. _ Poe sighs and tugs at the bottom of his undershirt. “I need to get this off but I don’t think I can get my arm at the right angle, it’s too tight. Do you have a knife?” He wrinkles his nose at the stained fabric. “These blood stains aren’t coming out anyways, it’s a lost cause. Might as well do it the easy way.”

“Yeah, ‘course.” Finn rummages around in a drawer and emerges with a small pocket knife. Poe holds out his hand, but Finn shakes his head, kneeling in front of him. “I’m not gonna watch you gut yourself trying to do this one-handed, man.”

_...Point. _ Poe nods, then tries not to react when Finn puts his hand on Poe’s neck to pull the collar of the shirt away from skin. Poe leans his head to the side, giving him better access, and swings his necklace around behind him so it’s not in the way. 

“Okay, hold still,” Finn carefully runs the knife down the front of his shirt. It’s well sharpened, so cuts smoothly through the fabric. Once opened, he helps Poe slide it off his good arm and then the injured one, peeling it carefully away from the bandage. Finn drops the ruined shirt to the floor and then takes a closer look at the bandage covering the bacta patch. “This is probably about used up, do you have another?” He looks up, meeting Poe’s eyes in question.

Poe blinks down at him for a second, either too tired or not tired enough to have Finn this close while so exposed. Finn doesn’t seem affected at all, because of course he doesn’t—even if Finn shares his interest, which is still a big ‘if’ in Poe’s mind, he’s very single-minded when on a task. Poe is calm under pressure too, of course—he would have died hundreds of times over if he wasn’t—but he’s also much more easily flustered than Finn is when not flooded with life-or-death adrenaline, especially as Finn has found his footing with the Resistance… and right now, Poe’s holding on by a thread. 

“Uh… yeah?” Poe nods slowly, trying to clear his head. “Yeah, I’ve got a couple in my bag, but I was gonna take a shower first. Don’t want to put on a fresh patch while I’m this filthy.” His eyes flit around to find his bag, mostly so he doesn’t have to look Finn in the eye quite so close. Of course it’s right next to him.

Finn frowns. “Are you sure? It’s probably going to start hurting again soon, if it hasn’t already.” He runs his thumb absently along the edge of the bandage. Poe feels a shiver run down his spine. 

“Yeah, no, it’s good. I mean, it’s not good, it hurts like fuck, but it’s not any worse than it has been. I can make it ten more minutes.”

Finn nods and, thankfully, rolls smoothly back to his feet. “Can you manage with only one arm? Do you need help?” His face is so earnest, Poe manages not to lose his entire goddamn mind imagining that. 

“No no, I’m good! To be honest, this isn’t even my first time—dislocated my shoulder a few times, broke my wrist falling out of a tree once. I’ve got one-handed showers down to an art.” He flashes Finn what he hopes isn’t a completely unconvincing smile, then grabs his ‘fresher bag and a pair of sleep pants out of the duffel. He claps Finn on the shoulder, “back in a sec,” then heads into the ‘fresher, closing the door behind him and leaning his head back against it for a moment, taking a deep breath. Yep, he is way, way too tired for this.

The attached refresher units on the cabins are very basic, but functional. They even had hot water, usually—turned out to be cheaper and easier to set up than sonics. Rose was a genius. He washes as quickly as he can with one arm out of commission—he wasn’t lying when he said he had experience, although it’s always awkward. He tries valiantly not to let his mind wander, towards pleasant thoughts or unpleasant ones, knowing the last thing he needs right now is to get himself caught up in what-ifs and might-have-beens. 

He finishes up and steps out to dry off as best he can, then carefully peels the bandage off his arm. It’s already looking better, less inflamed. With a bacta patch, extra painkillers, and a heaping dose of adrenaline he’d managed to make it through the battle without much of a hit to his reaction time—thankfully it wasn’t his dominant arm—but he’d torn it open again in the process. Now that he’d been able to keep it immobile for several hours it was finally starting to heal. Thank the Force for bacta.

He wets a small cloth and cleans dried blood and sweat around the edges of the wound as best he can, then manages not to trip himself pulling on his sleep pants one-handed. He checks himself in the mirror quickly—he’s got some color back, at least, though his hair is going to look ridiculous after it dries, he hadn’t brought anything with him to tame it. Oh well. He heads back into the cabin where Finn is laying on the bed, hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. The position makes his arms look indecently larger. Poe allows himself a second to look before walking far enough into the room for Finn to notice him. Finn sits up quickly, grabbing a bandage and a bottle of antiseptic from where he’d set them on the bedside table. Poe snags an unused bacta patch from his bag, then turns back towards the bed.

Finn pats the mattress next to him. “Here, I’ll get you patched back up.”

Poe tries not to sigh as he plops heavily onto the bed next to him. Now that he was warm and clean, his brain was foggier and moving like molasses. He was either going to say or do something stupid, or fall asleep standing up. Or more than likely all of the above.

“How’s it feeling?” Finn asks, propping Poe’s arm on his knee so he can get it at a good angle. “This okay?”

“It’s alright, aches, burns, but more throbbing than sharp now. That’s fine, yeah right there is fine—it’s lifting the elbow up that really pulls it.” Poe demonstrates the bad angles with his other arm, while Finn nods and puts the antiseptic on. It’s cold, and Poe shivers. 

“The new patch should numb it back up for you.” Finn carefully attaches the bacta patch and then wraps the arm with a bandage to help keep it in place. Then Finn leans back, looking him over. Poe sees his gaze catch on the new addition to his necklace, but he doesn’t comment on it. “All set. You bring a shirt?”

“Yeah, there's one in the go-bag.” Poe winces. “But it's, shit, it's a pullover. I wasn't thinking, didn't replace it.” 

“It's fine, you can borrow a button down, I'll grab one.” 

Finn hops up and grabs a shirt from a small chest of drawers and sits back on the bed, shaking it out and handing it to Poe. It’s a deep burgundy, and soft. Poe doesn't think he's seen Finn wear it, it would look great on him. Most things do. He slips it on his left arm, and Finn leans behind him to help it over his shoulders and other arm. Then, instead of sitting back, he proceeds to start buttoning from the top down, leaving the first few unhooked as is Poe's habit. 

"My hands work fine, you know. I can button a shirt." Poe closes his eyes for a moment, trying to control his breathing. 

“Just… let me, alright?” Finn buttons the last one, causing the muscles in Poe’s stomach to jump, then leans back and sighs. “There’s something…” Finn bites his lip, drawing Poe’s eyes before he catches himself. “There’s something I need to tell you. I should have, earlier but. Well there was kind of a lot going on, and I wanted to tell Rey first, but then you were mad at me, and—” 

“Hey, no, I wasn’t mad. I mean, maybe, a little, but mostly frustrated and, I don’t know,” he picks at a loose thread on the shirt, so he doesn’t need to meet Finn’s eyes, “Jealous, I guess. Which wasn’t fair of me, it’s none of my business, you and Rey are allowed to have things that don’t include me. You don’t owe me anything.”

Finn is quiet for a long moment, and Poe flicks his eyes up to see him with a contemplative expression, brow furrowed. “You’re right,” he says slowly, “I don’t owe you an explanation. But I’d like to give it, all the same. Rey and I… we’ve had a connection, since the moment we met. I couldn’t explain it at the time, wrote it off as just, I dunno, a side-effect of being thrown into the fire together as we were. Especially since I felt so… so strongly for you, too, after only knowing you for 20 minutes.” Finn huffs out a laugh. Poe has no idea where this is going, and whether he really wants to know or really, really doesn’t. 

Finn continues, “But the more we worked together—the three of us, and with each of you separately—the more clear it was that it wasn’t the same at all. I’m always aware of where you are, consciously and unconsciously, and… we have each other’s back, we work together as smoothly as if we’d been doing it for years. It’s uncanny, sometimes. But with Rey—I  _ feel _ where she is. I don’t feel it in my head, I feel it in my, my gut. And over time I started to realize… I feel other things, too. Impossible things. Where a blaster is going to hit before it’s fired. When… a door’s about to open, a second before it does.” He looks down, twists his hands together in his lap. “When Rey died on Exegol. And a few minutes later, when she came back.”

He looks up, then, meeting Poe’s eyes, looking… scared. Hopeful. Vulnerable. Poe blinks, once, twice. “You. You have the Force.”

Finn nods, bites his lip again.

“That’s… Finn! That’s amazing!” And it is, truly. But also somehow entirely unsurprising. Poe would tell anyone who’d listen that Finn was special, different, important. Apparently even he hadn’t realized how much.

“... Really?”

“Yes! Gods, Finn, you’re…  _ you’re _ amazing.” He reaches across with his good arm and squeezes Finn’s hand. “This is a gift. No one deserves it more than you.”

Finn looks down at their hands for a long moment, then turns his over to squeeze back. “You don’t think—aren’t you scared?” 

“Scared? Why would I—are you scared?”

“I’m terrified. I’m—you’ve seen what it’s done to Rey, having this ‘gift’, it almost destroyed her. It destroyed Ben Solo. Skywalker. I don’t know… how am I any different?”

“Finn, buddy, that’s—you are different. Maybe not from Rey, as much, but she can help you. You’ll have her, you have me. You have people who—” he swallows.  _ Just say it. _ “—who love you. We’re here for wherever you decide to take this.” 

“Ben Solo had people who loved him, too.”

“The Force was not what caused Kylo Ren. Ben did that himself. The Force just made it easier, and made him exponentially more dangerous. You, Finn—you are not capable of that. Truly. I know it with everything I am. You are  _ good, _ nothing will change that.” 

“What if… I don’t know. I don’t know if I want to be a Jedi. I don’t know if I want that life. I like this life, here. Not that—I guess this isn’t really a life anymore, now that the war’s over, but.” He sighs, scrubs a hand over his face.

“Hey. You don’t have to be a Jedi to use your gifts, Leia wasn’t. Look at everything she did. Or, even if you do, who’s to say what a Jedi even is, now? You and Rey, you can work that out for yourselves. And I already told you, you have a home here, always. Or wherever ‘here’ ends up being. With us.”

Finn flashes a watery smile. “Rey said basically the same thing.”

“See? She’s smart, sometimes, that Rey.” He thinks for a moment. “This is what you were going to tell her, then? On Pasaana?”

“Yes—well, something like that. Not sure, exactly, heat of the moment, you know. I just… I wanted her to know she wasn’t alone. She always… carries it all, you know?” 

“Yeah. Yeah, she does.”

Finn gives him a considering look. “You do too, sometimes.”

Poe winces. “I know. I’m… trying. Hey, I made you a general, didn’t I?”

“That is true. Alright, you’re off the hook, for the moment.”

Poe laughs. “Thanks, I think. Man, the Force. I’ll tell you, that is absolutely not what I thought you were going to say. No where close.”

“Yeah? What was your guess?”

He makes a face. “It’s gonna sound stupid now. Rey told me I was stupid.”

“Well… that is a possibility, yeah. But now you really have to tell me, or I’ll die from suspense.”

Poe let out a heavy (perhaps overly dramatic) sigh and drops his head into his hand. “I thought… you were going to confess your feelings. For her.”

“My. My feelings. What feelings?”

_ Damn it all. _ He was really going to make him say it, wasn’t he? How had he managed to have this same conversation twice in one evening? “Your, you know.  _ Feelings _ feelings. That you’re—” he squeezes the bridge of his nose, grimacing “—in love. With her. I thought you were going to tell her you’re in love with her.”

“I’m— _ what? _ ” Finn burst out laughing, causing Poe to glare at him with one eye without moving his head. “You thought I was—no. No, no, that’s not.  _ Really? _ ” 

Poe, feeling defensive now and not a little embarrassed, sits back up and brings a leg onto the bed, facing Finn. “Come on. What else do people say as they’re about to die? It’s always a love confession! Always!”

“Man! You watch too many holos. And you gotta stop borrowing trashy books from Jess. Rey’s like, I dunno, like a sister I guess. Like… a missing piece of me I finally found. But not, not like that. We’re family. We’ll always be family. But not like that.”

Poe shook his head slowly, somewhat dazed. “So… you're really not interested in her? Romantically, at all?” 

“ _ Really _ really.” Finn gives him a somewhat shit-eating grin. “Why, are you?”

Poe sputters. “Wha— _ Gods _ no. Can you imagine? That would be a disaster of literal galactic proportions. But you two, I thought… man. I really thought.”

“Well I guess Rey was right again. You are kind of stupid.” Poe shoves at him, but he dodges, laughing. “You are, though! Me and Rey—man, I don’t even like women!”

Poe’s brain, heart, entire  _ existence _ screeches to a halt. “You. What?”

“You didn’t know that? I guess it’s never come up. There weren’t many women in FN Corps, but there were a few. I wasn’t ever interested. Haven’t been interested here, either.” He shrugs, looking a little self-conscious. “Not that there’s ever been time to be interested in much of anyone, but we did manage to sneak off sometimes, back then. My preference was always men.” 

Poe was… not going to think about that. His brain was already reeling, he would not,  _ could not _ think about Finn and some faceless male stormtrooper sneaking into a supply closet or an alcove  _ maybe like that one on the Finalizer he pulled me into... _

Whatever face Poe was making while his brain tried to reboot, it must have been concerning. Finn squints at him. “That’s not… a problem, is it?” 

“A prob—no! Nonono no no, absolutely not, the—the opposite of a problem, really. That’s—I—Same. I mean, with the preference thing. Me too.” He scratches at the back of his head. “You, uh, probably knew that though. I mean, everyone does.”

Finn grins at him. “Yeah? No, I didn’t know, actually.”

“Really? Gods, Jess teases me all the time. She’s, you know, only into women, so we give each other shit all the time. The rest of the squad are more on the, uh, flexible side.” He chuckles, feeling a little giddy but not allowing himself to really analyze it. “I can’t believe you never overheard any gossip, fuck, even Rey knew.” 

“How the hell did Rey know and I didn’t know?”

“Beats me! But she was just teasing me about it, herself.” Uhh  _ abort, abort _ do not want to answer the line of questioning that will come from bringing that up. Time for a subject change. “We, um. We had a good talk. Just now. A bit ago, I mean.”

“Yeah? Everything good?”

“All things considered, I think so. She doesn’t share much with me—doesn’t share much with anyone, I don’t think—but I think she’ll be alright. Just needs time. If anyone can get her to talk, though, you can. I think she could stand to do some unloading.”

Finn nods. “Yeah… I’m gonna make sure I find her before she leaves, tomorrow. If she doesn’t want to talk yet, at least let her know we can when she gets back.” His brow furrows. “Why’d she seek you out, anyways?”

Poe’s hand goes to the necklace laying under his shirt, feeling the lump through the fabric. “She, um. Had something for me. From Leia. We, uh, were both close with her, you know. We had our own little wake.” He reaches up and pulls the chain out and over his head, pooling it in his hand. “My, um. My mom’s ring has a buddy, now.” He holds it out towards Finn, who takes it from him exceedingly gently, laying the rings in his palm. 

“This one was your mother’s?” Finn asks, nudging the duller piece of metal with a finger.

“Yeah. Made out of a washer from her A-Wing, believe it or not. It was the middle of a war, so options were limited. My dad’s was a piece from a field rifle. Nothing special, but. My whole life I never saw him take it off.”

“I think it’s special.”

Poe smiles. “Me too.” He scoots closer and points to the second ring, more polished and expensive looking while still being fairly plain. “Leia’s is from Alderaan. One of the only things she was able to save.”

“Wow. That’s…  _ really _ special.”

“Yeah, I know. Kinda scary to wear it, to be honest with you. But she wanted me to have it, I guess. Said I’d need one myself when I found someone to wear my mom’s.” He wouldn’t mention how Rey had implied Leia knew who he’d imagined giving it to. No, definitely wouldn’t mention that.

Finn holds the necklace up, rings clinking gently, and leans in to slip it back over Poe’s head, ostensibly because it would be difficult for Poe to do one handed. But his hands linger, knuckles brushing Poe’s collarbone as he arranges the chain. Poe takes in a sharp, involuntary breath, and Finn’s hands pause for a moment before tucking the rings under Poe’s shirt and pulling his hands back. “Do you want that?” Finn asks. “Marriage… a family?”

Poe clears his throat, fiddles with the rings through his shirt. “Yeah, I mean… yeah. Never thought I’d live long enough, you know? Figured I’d burn hot and fast, flame out before I hit 40, but I hoped. There was always hope. And now, with the war over… now I just might make it. Hard to imagine. But yeah, in a perfect world, that’s where it’s all heading—a partner, a family, something to come home to. Building a home together.”

Finn nods, frowning down at his hands. “I never really thought about it, myself. I mean, until a year ago relationships, marriage, a family, those were just fairy tales. Nothing any of us could ever have. We barely even knew the concepts, just from stolen holos we passed around sometimes. After I got out, it still didn't really occur to me till recently, I just wasn't wired to think that way. But now…” He looks up, meets Poe’s eyes. “Now I've been thinking about it, a little.” 

Finn’s eyes are intense, but unreadable. Or maybe Poe is just scared of what they might say. “Yeah? What, uh. What changed?” He’s caught, tethered down by Finn’s gaze, trying not to let it reel him in.

“Not sure when it happened. Just been thinking more about what I want, now that I can. Want things.” His eyes flicker over Poe’s face. Poe has no idea what he sees, too exhausted for any semblance of a mask. Too exhausted to care, really. Let him see. 

Poe is suddenly aware of how close they’re sitting. Can’t stop himself from asking. “And what do you want?” His voice breaks, embarrassingly. 

Finn’s eyes snap back up to his, and Poe sucks in a breath. Finn holds his gaze for a long moment. “You,” he says, and leans forward, hand coming up to cup Poe’s jaw, “I just want you.” Their lips meet, and it’s soft, gentle, but not hesitant. Poe loses all sense of gravity, stomach swooping as his eyes close. It’s been…  _ so _ long since he had a first kiss let alone one that meant this much. They pause, foreheads together, sharing breath, Finn’s hand tangled in his hair. “If you’ll have me?”

Poe lets out a shaky laugh and pulls Finn back in by the front of his shirt, meeting him with another, fiercer kiss. “I’ve wanted this...” he says between kisses, “for so long... you have no idea.”

He feels Finn’s grin against his lips. “Yeah?”

“Oh yeah.”

At this, Finn grabs him by the hips and hoists him further up the bed, bracing himself overtop of Poe. Poe feels his eyes widen. That was… extremely hot. Hotter still is Finn’s lips on his neck, Finn’s hand rucking up his shirt to find skin, running over his ribs and stomach. “Oh, fuck.”

Finn pulls back slightly, eyes dancing but sincere. “You alright?”

“Fuck yes. I mean, kind of wondering if I’m hallucinating—” Finn, apparently satisfied enough with this answer, continues kissing a line down his neck to his collarbone, “—mmmph, and pretty sure you’re gonna kill me, but yes. Fuck.” Not one to lay passively back for, well, anything really, but slightly limited in his options by both his bum arm and being pinned by his even-more-solid-than-expected bed partner, he manages to get his hand under Finn’s shirt to run over abs, pecs, the muscles of his back and shoulders that he’d only ever caught glimpses of. The scar tissue left over from Ren’s lightsaber bisecting his spine.

Finn’s hand in return starts undoing the buttons he’d so recently fastened on Poe’s borrowed shirt, his mouth following in its wake. He looks up through his lashes with a smirk. “You sure?”

“Finn, buddy, sweetheart, I am one hundred, one thousand percent on board with whatever you’re offering here. As long as you’re with me.” 

“I’m with you.” He presses a gentle kiss to the rings on Poe’s chest before moving them up and out of the way, and Poe has to squeeze his eyes shut for a moment and breathe. The breath comes out as a shout when a tongue runs over his nipple, and he bites his lip almost hard enough to bleed—there wasn’t much else around Finn’s cabin at the edge of the settlement, but the structures weren’t exactly soundproof. 

When Finn shifts his attention to the other side, his hips shift into Poe’s reach and he quickly takes advantage of that fact by grabbing a generous handful of ass and pulling them down to meet his. They groan in unison at the pressure, and Finn stills, panting into Poe’s collarbone for a moment before rolling their hips together again, slowly. Once. Twice. Then lifts his head to capture Poe’s mouth in a searing kiss, licking into his mouth, tongues tangling. 

“Finn,” Poe breaths out between kisses. “Hey, Finn.” Finn pulls back a little, breathing hard, pupils blown. “Can we—is this ok?” He tugs Finn’s shirt up with his good arm. “I’m usually more, uh. Proactive in these situations, but being down an arm is really cramping my style here.” 

Finn grins, leaning back and pulling his shirt over his head. Poe rakes his eyes over him— _ fuck he’s so broad _ —while Finn smirks. “Better?” Finn asks. 

Poe quirks an eyebrow in response. “Getting there.” He runs his hand down Finn’s abs, catching at the drawstring of his sleep pants. He lifts his eyes back to Finn’s in question, and when he nods pulls at the tie to loosen it and slip his hand down the front. Finn closes his eyes and lets out a groan, higher pitched, as Poe strokes him, and Poe wants to hear that sound forever, always, every day.

“Good?” Poe asks. Finn opens his eyes and nods, and Poe relishes having the upper hand for a moment—he has the feeling it’s not going to last. And that… is absolutely fine. More than fine. Spectacular. “Then let's get these off, yeah?” He tugs a little at the waistband and Finn rolls off of him to finish the job. 

Poe goes to pull his off as well, but is much slower one-handed. He’s gotten them a bit tangled around his thighs when he hears a muffled laugh next to him. He glances over at Finn who is now trying and failing to look innocent while balling his sleep pants up and tossing them off to the floor. “Hey, you gonna give me a hand here asshole, or just let me make a fool of myself? I’m injured here!” 

Finn laughs openly at that, and moves in closer to help get them all the way off. Mission accomplished, he arranges Poe’s legs on either side of himself, running his hands up and down Poe’s thighs. For a moment, they just take each other in. Then one of Finn’s hands continues it’s path up Poe’s thigh, thumb shifting over to stroke up his length. Poe lets out a somewhat embarrassing whine, as the thought floats by:  _ there goes that upper hand. _

Finn gets his whole  _ large, really large _ hand around him and strokes slowly a few times, base to tip. “So. What do you want?”

It takes Poe a second to register the question, squirming when Finn’s hand stops moving. “Hhh, wha?” 

“What,” he strokes one more time, while Poe bites back a curse, “do you want? How do you want to do this?”

Poe blinks at him blankly, trying to refocus his eyes. “Buddy,” he lets out a weak laugh, “I’m coming up on forty-eight hours without sleep, with a post-mission adrenaline drop of epic proportions, you’ve got your hand on my dick and you’re asking me to make decisions?”

Finn raises his eyebrows with a smirk. “You don’t seem to be having any trouble talking.”

“That’s… that’s! Not the point!” He sputters, trying to glare but failing. “You, you are a menace. You’re gonna, nngh, kill me here.” 

“I think you’ll survive.” He squeezes, once, causing Poe to let out a frankly embarrassing noise. “What do you want?”

“ _ Gods _ , ok. What’s, uh, what’s on the table here? Because as much as I’d love,  _ love _ for you to fuck me I really don’t think I can make it through prep right now.”

“That’s fine, we’ll save that one for later, huh?”

“Yes, later, good, later is good. All the later, as many laters as you want. Now, I just. Really, really want to feel you. And, and see you. Can we just—” he pulls at Finn’s arm, the one not currently attached to the hand on his dick, until Finn falls forward over top of him, bracing his hand by Poe’s head. Poe takes advantage of the shift in position to wrap a leg around his hip and reach down to grab Finn’s cock. “We can just—yeah?”

Finn nods, breathless himself now. “Yeah, that’s… yeah.” He closes his eyes and makes some absolutely lovely noises while Poe makes himself acquainted, testing different pressures and speeds. Finn’s hand has mostly stilled, but Poe’s not complaining—truthfully he could almost come just from watching Finn panting above him, muscles flexing in his arms and abs, sweat collecting on his face and skin, his hips rocking slowly into Poe’s grip. Yeah, this was more than fine. And Poe, being Poe, needs to tell him just that.

“Gods you’re gorgeous. You’re so perfect, truly it’s—it’s a problem. I’ve wanted this for so long, wanted you, from the moment—the moment you took that helmet off. You were so beautiful and, and brave, and you didn’t have to save me, you could’ve taken a TIE pilot hostage or, or something, but you did. You saved me, Finn, you keep saving me. I can’t believe I get to have you like this, it’s perfect. You’re perfect. Next time, buddy, next time… I want you inside me. Would you like that, yeah? I want to feel all of you.” 

Finn moans and leans in to kiss Poe hard, sucking on his tongue, biting at his lip, and Poe loses his rhythm, their fists bumping together with the new angle. Finn must notice too, and he lets go of Poe for a moment to grab his wrist and pull it above his head, weaving their fingers together and bracing it against the bed. Poe opens his mouth to protest—not the position, the position is fantastic, he just didn’t want to let go of Finn’s beautiful cock. But whatever he would have said is swallowed by a moan as Finn grabs them both together in his free hand, bending down again to rest their foreheads together, both of them breathing too hard for much else. 

It had been… so long since Poe had been this close to someone. Not just physically, though that had also unfortunately been over a year at this point, but with this level of trust and freedom. He’d never really been one to hold back in bed—in anything—and was not known for being particularly modest, but with Finn he felt completely flayed open in a way he hadn’t in years, if ever. Entirely enveloped in his body and soul. And all they were doing was jacking each other off—getting Finn inside him would probably ruin him. 

Heat pooling in his belly and lower back, he manages to gasp out, “Finn, buddy, I’m…”

Finn captures Poe’s mouth with his one last time. “Yeah. Yeah, come on, I got you.” 

That’s all it takes, and Poe comes with a shout—keeping the volume down had been a lost cause from the moment Finn started undressing, sorry neighbors—digging his heel into Finn’s back and bucking up into his hand. His vision whites out, and he’s vaguely aware of Finn chanting his name as he follows, and a part of Poe’s brain registers that as extremely sexy and files it away for review later. Finn collapses on top of him, burying his face in Poe’s neck, and Poe runs his free hand up and down Finn’s side—he has enough range of motion for that, at least. 

“Fuck,” Poe breaths out. Finn chuckles into his neck. “ _ Fuck _ ,” he says again, “Finn, that was. God damn. Amazing.”

“Mmm hmm.” 

Poe can feel the grin against the skin of his neck, so he turns his head to place a kiss to Finn’s temple. Finn lifts his head, still grinning, and Poe laughs. “You look pretty proud of yourself there, General.”

The grin changes into a now-familiar smirk, and he gives Poe one more lazy kiss. “Shouldn’t I be?”

“Oh you abso-fucking-lutely should. I don’t want to move for a week.”

“Well, I don’t know about a week, but I can promise you a few hours. One sec…” he rolls out of bed—practically bounces, while Poe’s knee twinges at the mere thought of standing up right now. When did he get so old?—and comes back a moment later with a warm damp cloth. He bats Poe’s hand away when he reaches for it, so Poe leans back and closes his eyes, letting himself be pampered for a moment. Next time, he thinks. Next time he won’t let Finn do all the work. 

***

Poe wakes up with an arm around his chest. Most of the men Poe’s been with have been close to his height and build—pilots tend to be on the smaller side. His workout regimen, when he has time for anything structured, is focused on stamina, lung capacity, reflexes and dexterity, some upper body strength. When he had access to swimming, that was his favorite (once things settle down, he needs to take Finn swimming). Finn, being infantry, had a strength training routine that made Poe tired just watching (also did some other things to him that would be a lot less frustrating considering recent developments). Finn wasn’t much taller, but the difference in their builds had never been more apparent than waking up with that broad, solid weight behind and over him. They hadn’t bothered putting on more than their shorts, though nights on Ajan Kloss could have a chill to them, their combined body heat was more than enough to keep warm under a light blanket.

Poe drifts in and out, playing his fingers over Finn’s arm and hand as the sunlight begins to brighten in the window. Eventually, Finn’s arm tightens over his chest, pulling him closer, then Poe feels him stiffen behind him as he wakes. Poe lays his hand over Finn’s before he can pull away—not holding, just reassuring. After a moment he feels Finn relax, and weaves their fingers together. 

“Morning,” Finn says, voice low and rough. He places a kiss behind Poe’s ear, and Poe smiles and rolls slightly to steal a real kiss.

“Morning. How’d you sleep?”

Finn considers for a moment. “Good. Never slept in a bed with someone else before.”

“Can take a little getting used to.”

“Mmm. Nice, though.” 

“One of my favorite things, personally.” He rolls onto his back and pulls Finn in to kiss properly, deep and lazy. When they part, he runs his hand over Finn’s face, thumb stroking over his brow, cheekbone, chin, while Finn smiles softly down at him. The soft orange morning light makes his skin glow, dances in his eyes.

“You’re so beautiful.” He didn’t really mean to say that out loud but oh well. It’s true.

Finn gives him a look. 

“Don’t give me that look.”

“I’m not—what look?”

“That look, the ‘Poe Stop Being Ridiculous’ look.”

Finn continues demonstrating said look. “That’s not—that’s not a thing.”

Poe gave him the look back.

“Alright,” Finn rolled his eyes, “maybe it is, but you are. Being ridiculous.”

“No, I’m being factual.”

“I’m just a guy.”

“Yes. A very handsome guy. A handsome, sweet, sexy, beautiful guy who happens to also be in my bed—well, your bed, in this case, but my point stands.” He leans up to kiss him before he can argue, which, surprisingly, works. “It’s been a long time since I woke up with a beautiful man in my bed. I could get used to this.”

“Mmm. I could too. But next time, your cabin.” Poe raises his eyebrows in question. “Bigger ‘fresher,” Finn smirks. 

“Ohhh. Yes. Good. You’re brilliant.” He wraps an arm around him and cuddles in, closing his eyes again and just soaking it in. It puts a little too much pressure on his blaster burn, but not enough to make him move. 

Finn places a kiss on the top of his head. “You need to be out by any specific time?”

“Nah. Everyone else is asleep or hungover or both. Half of them probably in similar positions. There’s a lot to do but… the galaxy can wait another hour.” 

They lay together for a while, lazily kissing, Finn running his hand through Poe’s hair, neither of them having the energy for anything more. Poe had found that the day after a big fight is when it really hits, the bone-deep exhaustion, the aches and pains and bruises you were too adrenalized to feel when they happened. If it was bad the night before—and it had been—it’s going to be worse today.

Finn’s fingers catch on the chain around Poe’s neck, and he runs a finger under it around to the front, rubs at the smooth surfaces of the rings. 

Poe looks down, appreciating the silvery metal against the dark of Finn’s fingers. Thick fingers—it’d have to be resized if they ever…  _ anyways _ . “You know, I, um. Almost gave it to someone, once—my mom’s ring. But… he, uh. He died before I had the chance.”

Finn looks stricken, and Poe curses himself for bringing it up. He never talked about Muran, not without several strong drinks and the company of other Rapiers, but he was feeling introspective, laying in bed with someone he cared about for the first time since. Probably inappropriate morning-after conversation, but the combination of emotional exhaustion with the lazy comfort of laying together in the morning sunlight had depleted his (admittedly always weak) brain-to-mouth filters.

“Oh Poe, I’m so sorry.”

“No no, it’s fine. I mean, it’s not fine, it’ll never be  _ fine _ but it was a long time ago, now. Seems like centuries, after everything that’s happened. It’s why I defected, actually, joined up with Leia.”

Finn blinked at him curiously. “I didn’t know that.”

Poe shrugged. “Most people don’t. My pilots, the older ones at least, they all know. A few of the upper ranks, not many of them left, now, I guess. Leia had me out doing missions for her almost immediately so there wasn’t much time to hang around and trade defection stories. And it was too raw to tell the truth then, anyway.” He reaches up to Finn’s hand laying on his chest and weaves their fingers together. “Sorry, I don’t know why I brought that up. Kind of a mood killer.”

Finn squeezes his hand, wraps his other arm more firmly around Poe’s shoulders. “Hey, no. I’m glad you told me. I’d like to hear about him, what he was like. When you’re ready, not now.”

“Thanks. I’d like that. His name was Muran, you would have liked him.”

Finn smiles softly. “If he loved you, I know I would.”

Poe shakes his head, wonderingly. “Sometimes… I’m really not sure how you’re real.”

Finn rolls his eyes, but ducks his head, smiling. 

“Hey.” Poe reaches over and tilts his chin back up to look him in the eye, then moves his hand up to cup his jaw. “I love you. You know that. Right?”

Finn’s eyes widen slightly, then his mouth tilts up in a smile. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.” He chuckles softly. “I wasn’t sure if—what I was seeing, what I was feeling—but. Yeah. I know. Me too, by the way.”

“Yeah?” He knew he was grinning stupidly. He didn’t care.

“Definitely.” He leans down for a kiss, deepens it briefly before pulling back. “We’ll be each other’s home, yeah?”

“Always.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading the longest thing I've ever written, including 4 years of college. :-P Thank you to cheerleaders and rant-buddies Michelle and Bexy. And thank you to Oscar's old soundcloud which I've been listening to on repeat and stole my title from. (https://soundcloud.com/nightlab/sets/the-day-i-throw-you-into-a)
> 
> Comments make my ENTIRE DAY!


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